If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together.
Michael P. CluttonTag: humor humor-inspirational humorous-quotations
This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit."
-Ty Henderson
Tag: shit humorous-quotations funny-as-hell squirrel
Have you ever noticed that folks will say ‘Look, he has his mama’s eyes’ or ‘his daddy’s nose,’ but they never say ‘We’re so proud! Look! He’s hung just like grampa’?”
- Zach McKnight
Tag: humorous-quotations
Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.
Terry PratchettTag: humor funny irony ironic humorous-quotations
Carrie Fay always says that nothing is really horrible unless it eats away your face.
Katie MacAlisterTag: humorous-quotations
The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds.
It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us.
"We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife."
The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing.
"We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment.
Tag: humorous-quotations
What is it you’re interested in exactly?” the man asked
slowly. “Just the color?”
“I think we both know,” said Adrian cunningly. “I want the
color. I want the ‘bonus effects.’ And I want it to look
badass. You probably can’t even do the design I want.”
“That’s the least of your worries,” said the guy. “I’ve been
doing this for years. I can draw anything you want.”
“Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with
flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the
skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot.
Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be
overkill. But it’d be cool if the biker skeleton could be
shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” said the
tattooist.
“That’s not what the ladies are going to say,” said Adrian
Tag: humorous-quotations
Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell
Jennifer CrusieTag: humorous-quotations
well you can be sure I'd stop forcing the poor Jews to tart up their humble little temple dedication anniversary into some corn-fed whore of a holiday to compete with our super-slut three-titted Christmas.
Augusten BurroughsTag: humorous-quotations
This guy had more lines than loose-leaf.
Cara Lynn ShultzTag: humorous-quotations
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