I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor childhood

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Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason

George Carlin

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My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor childhood playing

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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor childhood hip bambi strippers

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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

George Carlin

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The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor

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She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor whores

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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor earthquakes

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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor

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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

George Carlin

Stichwörter: humor america fitness

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