Let’s split the pizza amongst ourselves, and divide the price evenly amongst yourselves.
Jarod KintzYou are dead. It just hasn’t occurred to you yet.
Jarod KintzI’d understand if at your front door you want me to take off my shoes, but I wouldn’t understand if you asked me to also take off my feet. I’m OK with nudity, but not foot fetishes.
Jarod KintzI’m not in the system. I’m starting to question my own existence.
Jarod KintzI need to convince John to convince Jim to convince Jason that I don’t need convincing.
Jarod KintzIf I were a number, I’d want to have sextillion with you.
Jarod KintzTo the potluck I brought something I randomly found in my fridge. It was the source of the stink.
Jarod KintzI would suggest aboulia isn’t frequently spelled abulia, because I doubt it’s frequently spelled at all.
Jarod KintzI am an orange construction cone, and I say to you, “Caution.” This is my advice for love—and for driving while blindfolded, which is safer than love.
Jarod KintzI read trash. Empty cereal boxes, empty shampoo bottles, the bottoms of empty Kleenex boxes, and occasionally even a mystical self-help book.
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