He had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and an erection the size of a baby carrot. Man, he really was excited to meet me.
Jarod KintzI thought you were her because she wasn’t here yesterday and neither were you. What would I do without you? Probably the same thing I didn’t do yesterday—nothing.
Jarod KintzJust by looking at a picture, I can tell a lot about a person. Right off the bat, I can tell if they’re a human or a bat. Or Batman.
Jarod KintzI am a single drop of blood trying to mix in with billions of red paint splatters in this Pollack painting called life. I think the cops are trying to frame me.
Jarod KintzLeave me with my leftover meatloaf and my Yesterday Sandwich. I’ll be in love tomorrow, if you come back with the ketchup.
Jarod KintzWomen are like convertibles: They should be topless. Also, they should stay in the garage. I mean kitchen. No, I mean bedroom. Damnit, I guess they can roam freely about the house.
Jarod KintzHabits define who we are from the outside in, more than who we are defines us from the inside out.
Jarod KintzMy beard has started growing a beard of its own, and I’m stuck having to take it for a walk.
Jarod KintzBecause of the age difference, I assumed they were related, mother/daughter. But they weren’t. They were father/son/possible lovers.
Jarod KintzMy love is as blue as the sky, and if I had to attach a time to it I’d say midnight.
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