I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is.

Jarod Kintz


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Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!

Jarod Kintz


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I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.

Jarod Kintz


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Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for.

Jarod Kintz


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I don’t understand people who don’t like meatloaf. Your mom doesn’t make it like Michael Aday does.

Jarod Kintz


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You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.

Jarod Kintz


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I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it?

Jarod Kintz


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I’ll name my firstborn child Squiblob, after his mother.

Jarod Kintz


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He works for the CIA. Johnny Redyellow is his name, but I just simply call him Agent Orange.

Jarod Kintz


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Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced it.

Jarod Kintz


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