Pele popularized the bicycle kick, and I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel.
Jarod KintzHe was a pleasant fellow, saying please and thank you as he pounded me in the face. That’s why I sent him a Get Well Soon card, since he was probably interested in my well-being.
Jarod KintzBe true to who you are as a person. Or, if you’re a politician, be true to who you are as an animal. Actually, to be true as a politician you have to be false.
Jarod KintzI want to make slow, passionate rush hour to a pack of masturbation.
Jarod KintzI'm not fluent in affluent. Still, I’m grin rich, and my smile stretches from yesterday to tomorrow. You should kiss me on today.
Jarod KintzIn the off chance I’ll be turned on, I keep a light switch in my pocket. (Who turned off the light in my pocket? Oh yeah, my erection.)
Jarod KintzThey should make suitcases shaped like human bodies, for discretely transporting dead cadavers. And I should get a friends and family discount.
Jarod KintzMy penis is looooooong. Wait, I think I left off an O. Probably better that way, so I can use it as my middle initial.
Jarod KintzI went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.
Jarod KintzI wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. Also, Mother Nature won’t let me either. She’s not my real mother, you know. I adopted her.
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