Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
Stephen ColbertTags: humor
Unfortunately, most of today’s women resemble bowerbirds that force
suitors to build elaborate nests of twigs, leaves, and discarded garbage before choosing a mate. Any male who doesn’t meet her standards doesn’t get to mate that year; one assumes he just stays in his bower, reads bower manuals, and watches bowerbird porn.
The worst thing about affirmative action is that it encourages reverse discrimination, so-called because it goes in the opposite way of how we naturally discriminate.
Stephen ColbertScience attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight
from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Stephen ColbertIf women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen ColbertTags: men women food work metaphors hunger twitter
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.
Stephen ColbertTags: politics united-states humour twitter mitch-mcconnell united-states-congress
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
Stephen ColbertTags: fear humour ageing phobias twitter
I love making observations. That one is a classic example.
Stephen ColbertTags: humour observations twitter
The Yankees' Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees.
Stephen ColbertTags: humour baseball sport facebook twitter hacking new-york-yankees
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