When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor absurd



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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor books



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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Steven Wright


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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Steven Wright

Tags: absurd



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All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor-psychokinesis



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It is like putting a dehumidifier and a humidifier in the same room and letting them fight it out.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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What a nice night for an evening.

Steven Wright

Tags: absurd



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I'm a peripheral visionary.

Steven Wright

Tags: humor



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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

Steven Wright


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