The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
George CarlinTags: humor truth insanity lies lying self-indulgence
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
George CarlinTags: humor doubt reason belief skepticism absurdity credulity evidence gullibility indoctrination invisible
Meow” means “woof” in cat.
George CarlinTags: humor cats animals dogs language
Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H.L. MenckenTags: humor evolution darwinism
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Lily TomlinTags: humor
You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
George CarlinI never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
Oscar WildeThat cup of tea is definately not down your alley
Jean FerrisTags: humor
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
Gilda RadnerTags: humor
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George CarlinTags: humor perspective humanity humour philosophie
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