Whenever a woman tries to put you out of temper, turn the tables, and put HER out of temper instead. They are generally prepared for every effort you can make in your own defence, but that. One word does it as well as a hundred; and one word did it with Limping Lucy. I looked her pleasantly in the face; and I said—"Pooh!

Wilkie Collins

Tags: humour pooh temper misogynist



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They're all the rage, Cab Calloway wears one.

Spike Milligan

Tags: humour



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The very sight of a daffodil still makes me shiver, because spring in the north of England is always so bitter.

Bea Davenport

Tags: humour spring flower weather british daffodil



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They want your sons.”
“My–? But I don’t… ew!

Deb E. Howell

Tags: humor humour humorous-quotes



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Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance

Jimmy Kimmel

Tags: humour marriage gay



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After reading the salary, I've decided that I must refuse. The reason I have to refuse a salary like that is I would be able to do what I've always wanted to do- -get a wonderful mistress, put her up in an apartment, buy her nice things.. . With the salary you have offered, I could actually do that, and I know what would happen to me. I'd worry about her, what she's doing; I'd get into arguments when I come home, and so on. All this bother would make me uncomfortable and unhappy. I wouldn't be able to do physics well, and it would be a big mess! What I've always wanted to do would be bad for me, so I've decided that I can't accept your offer.

Richard P. Feynman

Tags: science life humour salary



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The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I'd written both of them

Douglas Adams

Tags: writing humour



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I'm not sure if you've noticed this yet, but Jenny Sullivan likes to overuse people's first names. It's a technique she read about in a book called Own It - Take Life By The Bollocks. She once said my name so many times I disconnected from it entirely.

Claire Garber

Tags: humour fun chick-lit



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It’s the strangest thing about this church - it is obsessed with sex, absolutely obsessed. Now, they will say we, with our permissive society and rude jokes, are obsessed. No. We have a healthy attitude. We like it, it’s fun, it’s jolly; because it’s a primary impulse it can be dangerous and dark and difficult.
It’s a bit like food in that respect, only even more exciting. The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese, and that in erotic terms is the Catholic Church in a nutshell.

Stephen Fry

Tags: sex religion humour catholic-church morality-without-religion



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We’ll see. Thanks for drawing your sword for me. I always had you down as a man to back the favourite.’
‘So did I. But for a moment up there you reminded me of your father.’ Pale-as-Snow planted his own boot on the wall beside Calder’s. ‘I remembered how it felt to follow a man I admire.’
Calder snorted. ‘I wouldn’t get used to that feeling.’
‘Don’t worry, it’s gone already.

Joe Abercrombie

Tags: war humour



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