My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

Darynda Jones

Tags: humour funny



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Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

Darynda Jones

Tags: humour funny zombies



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If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

Darynda Jones

Tags: humour funny



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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

Darynda Jones

Tags: humour funny paperwork



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I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.

Darynda Jones

Tags: pain humour funny



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It was an office of a guy who won’t take spam from anybody.

John Zakour

Tags: humour funny



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The thingy? You want me, the most intelligent cognitive processor in the known worlds, to say thingy?”
“Yes,” I reaffirmed. “That is correct."
Do you stay up nights thinking of ways to humiliate me?" HARV asked.

John Zakour

Tags: humour funny



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You know, bullying," her mother began. "I see it every day. Kids get bullied at school, they get cyber bullied, text bullied, Myface bullied."
"Oh, God!" Arista groaned. "It's My Space or Facebook. Not Myface.

Dianne F. Gray

Tags: humor humour funny parenting teens



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Like my old mentor would always say, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and I’ll be dead.’’ Okay, she wasn’t a good poet, but that lady could handle her whiskey.

John Zakour

Tags: humour funny sayings



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Playing an instrument is its own reward.
Cleaning out a spit valve is its own punishment.

Peter James West

Tags: happiness music humour musician



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