Cal: “I’m not presuming. I know exactly what you think about me. You think I’m an anal-retentive Armrest Nazi . . . an arrogant Modelizer. You can’t stand the way I talk, any of the subjects I choose to talk about, the imperious manner I order food in restaurants or tell cab drivers how much we owe them. You find my taste in women odious, the fact that I don’t own a television an unforgivable sin, and the fact that I would choose to write a book about Saudi Arabia completely unfathomable. And you’re also totally in love with me. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have pushed me into the pool earlier today when you saw Grazi walk in.”
Every Boy's Got One
I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?
Eoin ColferMake it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.
Joss WhedonTags: writing perspective stories humour dark joke
I promise to pay you before you die - but you have to promise not to die.
Jim BaenTags: humour
Most men are not wicked... They are sleep-walkers, not evil evildoers.
Franz KafkaTags: humour satire philosophical
Elsie eyed him puzzledly, and then offered, "Would you like to see my plate?
Naomi NovikThe last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.
Douglas AdamsTags: humour science-fiction
A horse loves freedom, and the weariest old work horse will roll on the ground or break into a lumbering gallop when he is turned loose into the open.
Gerald RafteryWhen I hear somebody talk about a horse or cow being stupid; I figure it's a sure sign that the animal has somehow outfoxed them
Tom DorranceTags: communication humour spirit horses
She took out a shiny folded pamphlet, the kind they kept stacked in clear plastic stands in hospital waiting rooms. "How to Come Out to Your Parents," she read out loud. "LUKE. Don't be ridiculous. Simon's not gay, he's a vampire.
Cassandra ClareTags: humour vampire mortal-instruments
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