Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!

Rick Riordan

Tags: humor random funny hilarious rick-riordan laugh-out-loud the-son-of-neptune die-demigod-scum name-badge



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It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

Ellen DeGeneres

Tags: random funny pickles cucumbers



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Luck is not as random as you think.

Before that lottery ticket won the jackpot, someone had to buy it.

Vera Nazarian

Tags: random winning chance fortune luck randomness win lucky ticket lottery fortunate improving-chances making-your-luck not-so-random timed



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He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly."

The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face.

Derek Landy

Tags: humor family random insults humorous what-the-hell



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You are who you are, when NO ONE is LOOKING

Weas

Tags: random



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Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

Ellen DeGeneres

Tags: random funny worth-reading seriously-i-m-kidding



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Sex parties, alcohol and drugs lost their appeal to Sven after a while. Music never did, in his continual search for that sober connection--intimacy with one person over a long period of time, as opposed to periods of intimacy with a bunch of random faces.

Jess C. Scott

Tags: happiness random spiritual time soul sex drugs connection spirituality sex-appeal party alcohol strangers sobriety soulmates intimacy sober partying incubus



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Some quotations," said Zellaby, "are greatly improved by lack of context.

John Wyndham

Tags: random out-of-context



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Peace cannot be achieved; they have to be plucked out of their pod.

A.G. Phillips

Tags: humor peace random funny quote conflict peas



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You think I pretend weakness?"
She nodded. "Not weakness, but you like to let others think they're in control, when it's you.

Kady Cross

Tags: random finley



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