As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

George Carlin


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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

George Carlin

Tag: multiple-personalities



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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

George Carlin


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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

George Carlin


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Fuck rational thought

George Carlin

Tag: humor inspirational thought rational



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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

George Carlin


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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!

George Carlin

Tag: dogs leisure work



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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin


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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

George Carlin


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You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!

George Carlin

Tag: patriotism stupidity ignorance american-dream servitude



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